Published November 18, 2007
I suppose that my life would be simpler, maybe even happier, if I'd never been bitten. My best friend wouldn't be dead...and I wouldn't have killed her. Somehow though, I cannot regret what happened that night, for born from the fear and pain of the change grew a clarity that I'd never known existed.
I'm not alone going through this either. For the first time in my life, I truly belong.
It's not like it really matters either way. None of us could go back to who we were, even if we wanted to. We were born again that one night around an innocent campfire.
Ya it's short....I like it WAY better than the old version though....what do you think?
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140,840 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay well this is quite the prologue here. Its a very punchy sort of situation that you don't run into too often in this sort of thing. Normally things tend to do a tiny bit more build up before ending on a more punchy statement but this one gets straight into the punches right away without holding back here. It definitely gets your attention quite quickly that way and I think it does manage to sound pretty complete too as a result, which isn't something you tend to see too often when it comes to pieces that are this small so good job there as well.
The somewhat vague way you're hinting at this clear sort of murder scenario wrapped up in some sort of change that I assume hinges around the usual suspects like werewolves or vampires although of course this could be something new entirely. Either way the fact that this is kept vague and makes us guess adds nicely to the general sense of mystery there because despite the finality of the whole murdering note things start on that last line makes you wonder if there's a twist in there somewhere. Either way I think it comes together quite nicely to make for a pretty solid piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Although this is short I think it is really mysterious, and I certainly want to read more!
ChloeJade23
It was a good read, if not a little short.
I hope to read more.
Yeah, this is really short. I think prologues should be longer than just one paragraph but that's just my opinion.
)
Otherwise, I think you have a good start here. I mean, I haven't read any of your other prologues before this one so I can't really compare them (I'll just take your word for it that this one is better
Anyway, I believe you could lengthen this out so that it is longer and maybe squeeze in some more descriptions so that I can imagine what is going on in the scene. I can't really picture your main character from this.
Umm, that's really all I can come up with right now. Keep Writing
The first paragraph really draws you in. It was good. I think it could do with being a little lengthier, but other than that it was great.
Not much else to say. Good job.
good job. You certainly been working on this a while.
PM me!!!!
It causes me to go hmmm....*Ponders*
You're writing style causes me to think already that you've found your own voice, and the prolouge reads very nicely indeed.
So I want to hear more!
PM me please when you do post up some more, now you've got me interested, I will come back looking for more of you're work
change "I'd never known existed" to "I never knew existed." It's better grammar.
other than that, this is great and I'm totally excited to read more.
very mysterious prologue.
cant wait to read more
Please tell me it's about werewolves.
I really like it. Nice job.
It's nice to see that you can make so few sentences into something so deep and mysterious.
I really liked it
Hiya!
I really liked it, its mysterious, strange and certainly not too short. It adds a nice bit of suspense for the first few lines, and I can't see anything wrong with it!
So is this about vampires? Just a guess you know
Keep Writing!
~D'Aedomir~
I like it very much! Reminds me of the short little excerpts that you find at the beinning of Twilght (et al). I love those...lol.
I don't see anything wrong with plot or characters or flow, so I'll move right on to the grammar.
Heh. I really love the word innocent there. That's awesome.
This was really good, mate! Great work!
thanks for your comments!
By the way, it's about weres, but I like to leave it open at the beginning, another reason why it's short. Do you really think that I need more to it? P.s. Typing up a random fragment of this story right now, check it out!!
I'm new here and never read the first version (not yet at least).
I thought it was a great beginning to a prologue that could be MUCH longer.
Still though, I thought it was good =]
I'm not sure if there is a story along with this prologue, but my first impression was that the story was going to be about a werewolf or mayhap a vampire?
Way improved from the old version. It really grabs my attention. Can't wait to read more!
Hey! Like everyone else, this is really good, and mysterious. I wonder what bit him/her? I wanna read the rest!
BBB
i like this, i also cant wait for the rest.
good job.
kim
Short...But sweet. I really like this and yes it could be longer. I can't really say anything else except how great this was. I can't wait to read the whole thing.
Good luck,
FlyingDream